I smoke a bowl and call my friend Corky. I haven't seen him in a while, and it's bullshit. He agrees, but can't get off until later. He's going to kick it with his brother, Beauregard, and says to meet me at Fort Fingerbang at nine. Can do, my friend.

Dammit, that's thirteen hours from now.

I smoke a bowl and call my friend Biff. He gets off at six, but is jonesing for awesome. Tells me he's meeting up with Corky and Beauregard, and there will be psychotropics. Sweet, but that doesn't take care of right now.

I smoke a bowl and call my friend Mongol. He's busy right now. He kicked some ass, now he's taking some names. He says you can't do both simultaneously if they're still conscious. I contend that knocking them on their face, and subsequently stomping the shit out of them while Tweeting it works. Mongol says he doesn't "have a Twitter account, fuck you." I ask him if he's down to kick it, and says hell yeah, let's watch some goddamn movies and get drunk. I make sure to lock my house, and smoke a bowl.

I get to just across the street from the bus stop... and the bus zooms by. Rather than wait for the next bus, I start chasing that asshole. I get to about ten feet behind it when THE BITCH decides to stop and I clothesline me and throw me under the bus.

Well fuck you, bitch, I don't have to pay the fare now. I grab onto the underside, smoke a bowl, and chuckle at my brilliance. The drop-off goes without incident. I grab some edible stuff at Jack in the Crack, and hoof it to Mongol's place. I decide to cut through a church, but some dickass preacher thinks his God is more important than the tranquility of my stroll, so I deck the fuck in the teeth, smoke a bowl, and begin lecturing everyone present on calculus. Ever see fifty people shoot themselves in the head in sync? It is SO COOL.

I get to Mongol's place. He's just feeding the last guy into the wood chipper when I get there. Perfect timing. Mongol wants to go to the liquor store; the DT's are back, he says. Fair enough. It really pisses me off when he starts hallucinating and shooting at me. As we start off, we hear some screeching behind us. Goddamn drag racers. That's the last straw. I aim for the faggot in the yellow car and go right through the fucker's windshield. I take advantage of the driver's shock at seeing a bloodied, enraged, autistic virgin smoking a bowl in his passenger seat and punch him in the dick. Mongol yanks him out of the front seat and lets the wood chipper answer his bitching.

We get to the liquor store, but we realize we're greedy assholes, so we rob the place blind. We get home with about three bottles of liquor and a minimum of sixty beers. We watch two movies and Squidbillies (simultaneously, mind you) while playing Bioshock, and barely manage to finish all of the booze before Biff gets here.

I'm in the car for all of ten seconds before I'm chugging Dayquil. Then I feel a gun to my head. Mongol is pointing his guns at us, so I tell him calmly that we are not from the tropics. He mulls this over, and states that he hates me and I have no friends. I concur, and continue down the lime-green street, for opposing traffic lanes are in red. We spend the next two hours and forty-nine minutes driving aimlessly and babbling unintelligibly. I think we kill some cops and eat their corpses, and then impersonate them only to end up saving the magic school bus. I know whores are involved, but to what extent?

We go to In-N-Out, because it's the only thing we can agree on besides music and women. Then we finally arrive at Fort Fingerbang. Beauregard welcomes us with a cereal bowl full of weed. I fall down laughing. The car from whence we came is enshrouded in a cloud of smoke. The smoke then becomes sentient and says that it hates us for giving it life. It pilfers Mongol's concealed silenced gatling shotgun and tries to shoot itself in the head, but fails because it doesn't have a head. The smoke then tries to destroy the car out of spite, but I run in there because I somehow forgot my pipe in there. The smoke tries to strangle me, but I fart and it thanks me as it dies.

By the time I get out, Mongol is bitching that nothing weaker than bird shot gets him drunk anymore as he's shooting himself in the mouth. God damn it is annoying that he keeps doing that. I head inside, and everyone is taking turns playing Mega Man 5. I smoke a bowl and astound them all with my XTREME AWETISTIC video game skeelz. Corky offers that everyone looks lame now, and everyone agrees. We opt to watch Death to Smoochy synced up to Lady GaGa. It doesn't work, but we all think it does. Mongol leaves to sell someone some coke, and comes back with more booze. His pants are somehow saturated with blood, but I know better than to ask.

We do more drugs and play Sexbox until 4:15. At exactly 4:20 AM, we all smoke, and ten minutes later everyone but me is asleep. Only due to my autistic regenerative abilities am I able to stay awake long enough to turn everyone's shit off.

I wake up at 7 AM, smoke a bowl, and wait for the madness to start again.

...What is this?

damnit XIX you killed flecko

I didn't die in Shitcanistan so you could talk to me like this. I'll slap your face into a new asshole.

Well as long as you're honest

cocaine

Win.