2. the CWCki (Christian Weston Chandler Wiki)
many of you already understand that if i say it's interesting, you should probably give it a look. kyle, you will probably get psyched about this moreso than anyone else, it's totally your cup of tea.
i came across this somehow (i think my middle brother showed it to me) and it's bad enough that i almost regret knowing about it. it's a wiki that centers around the miserable life and trolling of an autistic manchild living in a bumfuck Virginia town. it's a train wreck; the more you read about this legend, the less you want to know, but the more you have to keep reading. i learn something new about this dickhead and his situation every day, there doesn't appear to be any floor to the sea of his repulsiveness.
overview: autistic child raised to believe he is center of earth, proceeds to make sonic/pikachu hybrid "sonichu" character and make a narcissistic crayola-and-scotch-tape comic series about how everyone's out to keep him from getting laid. (that sounds like it could be funny; you're welcome to read the comics - i haven't - but i can assure you it is not funny at all.) his broadcasts on youtube to the non-existent fanbase of his comic come to the attention of curious denizens of the internet; the story they unearth should never have been authored...
everything is documented - you'll find audio files, videos, transcripts of telephone conversations (alongside the audio counterparts), and complete biographies and stuff about all players involved. so thorough is the documentation, in fact, that the videos are organized by date, subject matter, and which god-awful shirt he's wearing. (that detail just kills me, that's hilarious.)
highlights:
- father tricks his autistic son (very difficult process) into believing that remaining unemployed will get him more money "in the long run." ulterior motive: if child remains unemployed, he will accrue $800 monthly from social security benefits in honor of his high-functioning autistic diagnosis. father deducts $450 for "room and board." son spends his cut on every article of downloadable content on the playstation network and, once he's tapped that dry, the remainder is spent on blowup dolls and porn. his debt totals in excess of $2000, which he distributes across his parents' credit cards with wild abandon.
- 27-year-old pokemon fan attends a community college for no reason other than to pass out flyers advertising the fact that he is single and is looking for a girl who would like to be molested by a husky retard who never takes off his homemade "sonichu" amulet. dean of students at said college catches wind of this and confronts the wetaded wonda about his stupidity in her office, which results ultimately in her being attacked. unable to put him in jail courtesy of his autistic status, she bans him from the campus, and earns herself a spot as a recurring and prominent villain in the comic series. meanwhile he decides to spend most of his waking hours farting around shopping malls, posting the same flyers made with blue highlighter and loose-leaf paper, and ultimately getting banned from them for sexually assaulting anything with long hair.
- was a "gym leader" at a pokemon card trading joint. there is footage of him being retarded in his filthy ash ketchum outfit and getting excited about his dragonair. he was kicked out for getting violent with the children there, who were a decade younger and known to beat him at pokemans regularly. there is also footage of him being given a $1000 sonic the hedgehog shopping spree when he was a tardling infant, and news coverage of the event wherein the newscaster makes it expressly clear that he is a "high-functioning autistic child" before the star attraction himself is seen delivering a doddering, slurred paragraph as evidence to this. sega's PR-whoring embrace of the retarded demograph only served as fuel for "CWC's" dimly-burning fire, and he went on to enter every contest he possibly could, including one wherein he was supposed to perform Chop Chop Master Onion's rap. he did so, and like so many things on the wiki, it's waiting for you on youtube.
- during one bout in a series of phone sex sessions with a 13-year-old boy, in actuality a troll who had been posing as a woman for several months and in fact was the retard's much-trusted internet girlfriend and the subject of a staggering number of his youtube rants, another troll called his home phone and got his father's attention, saying that his son was going to commit suicide live on youtube; this prompted the 81-year-old to storm into the kitchen (where the only computer in the house is located), catch his nearly 30-year-old son quite literally with his pants down. shortly thereafter he threatens in all seriousness to "cut down the internet." fans refer to him as the first internet lumberjack in reference to this.
- his favorite thing to do when he gets a girlfriend, i.e. any girl who does not immediately flee him, is to share his sexual fantasies with and ultimately illustrate them into his prized crayola porn collection, featuring generally everyone he's ever met or thought about, including his "sonichu" characters. worse, he is known to film himself making use of his numerous adult dolls, and send them to his sweethearts as bizarre and unsettling tokens of affection, shouting their names during the act.
the above is nowhere near a fraction of a percent of the horror catalogued in that wiki. and every bit of it has some kind of physical evidence for your viewing pleasure.
i probably haven't even read 10% of it myself, but it has already taken its toll on my spiritual wellbeing. it is all very, very sad, and i wish it were not so, but all of it is true.
